When I was in theological graduate school I remember well the rift between two eminent theologians in the Catholic Church: Hans Kung, the articulate liberal theologian and Dr. Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI, who was originally referred to by Kung as a “grand inquisitor.” Their differences were primarily theological in nature: Kung held to a liberal interpretation of the pope’s infallibility (Kung believed the pope was indeed fallible) and Ratzinger held eventually to a much more conservative tone about papal infallibility (Ratzinger believed the pope was indeed infallible). Kung, because of his radical position, was expelled from his teaching responsibilities at the much heralded University of Tubingen. Ratzinger was involved in that decision believing that Kung’s scholarship “was no longer in accord with Roman Catholicism.”
The article in the NYT, Old Foes, Pope and Dissident, Meet to Find Shared Ground, describes a four-hour meeting between these two bitter rivals. They met to discuss their common ground about the Catholic church rather than their past animosities and differences.
“He (Kung) said it would be inappropriate for him to discuss their meeting in detail. But he did say they had spoken at length, and in accord, about two issues on which Dr. Kung has been working: the idea that science and religion are not incompatible, and the role of the church in a secular and pluralistic world. They spoke about secularism in many nations, especially in the United States.”
This story illustrates what I believe are five key themes in overcoming systemic (long-held) conflict in relationships.
First: They were no longer willing to let their differences keep them from connecting. Their present situations of polarization were intolerable and unacceptable…more so than living with their alienation from one another. This kind of meeting for the purpose of some measure of reconciliation is always powerful and transformational for those observing from the outside.
Second: They were willing to sit down together…to be in the same room together. They were willing to risk and express vulnerability.
Third: They recognized that as leaders of other like minded people, their meeting was highly symbolic and would model or signal a new movement toward healing and reconciliation. Insightful leaders understand this symbolic aspect of their leadership and take it seriously.
Fourth: They spoke of the common ground together and left their obvious differences at the door. False conversation you might think. Not really. The key to rebuilding a new relationship from the wreckage of the old is in finding something on which to agree. In this way trust and conversation can begin to be reestablished. Low expectations are the key.
Fifth: They affirmed their successes and gains publicly and resisted the temptation to either speak out of turn or allow others to create division through assumptions and insinuations.